::runs, screaming in fear::

When I took Research and Writing in the fall of last year, I don't really remember the writing process. I remember taking lots of notes, but those memories, I think, only exist because I still stumble across the notebook now and again as I go digging through my old academic stuff. I know I wrote about 25 pages for the rough draft. I know I wrote it over the course of a week or two... I just don't really remember *exactly* writing it. This isn't really terribly important, but now it's come time to write my thesis, and I'm wondering just how in the hell I managed this last time. It might, maybe, be sorta-kinda helpful in my current situation...

I finished up the policy paper on Wednesday night with plenty of time to spare. The Churchill essay I managed to put off writing until Sunday, and still had that done with plenty of time to goof off. I didn't start worrying about senior thesis until Monday, by which time Monday was a write-off, too, as we had family in town for dinner. Thus, when I woke up at 9:30 this morning with a migraine, I knew it was time to finish researching my thesis and start writing the paper.

I took two Excedrin and promptly crawled back into bed until 11.

On the record, I actually started researching this paper weeks ago -- back when the semester first started. I downloaded several articles by the CNO on "Sea Power 21" from ProQuest and they have been sitting in my e-mail box, just waiting to be printed; I also sat down, on President's Day, with two of the books I reserved for the paper, and made sure I started taking notes. Since I started researching, however, I've had one political concepts paper, one policy process paper, and one statesmanship midterm to write, not to mention the accompanying reading assignments. My research sort-of fell to the wayside. Or it did, until about noon today.

I can't honestly say how many pages of notes I took today. I'm almost afraid to look. I know there were at least 4 pages for each journal article, 3 for the book on fleet tactics and coastal warfare... ::grabs notebook and flips through:: Okay. 17 pages of notes. Tomorrow, I finish up the research -- I hope -- with information on the Polaris/Trident nuclear missile development, and the strategies being employed in the "war on terror."

After almost 12 hours at this, however, I felt I was entitled to a little break. It's taken four semesters, but I've finally come to realize that it does me no good to obsess over the things that I have to do. Especially when I have this much to do. I can't ignore it -- that would be bad, both realistically and for my GPA. I just need to keep things on an even keel. I can't push myself so hard to complete one project that I burn out before even starting the next one, and I can't change how many hours are in a day. I have to get some sleep, and I have to make sure I eat enough to keep myself going. It also helps, it seems, to take a few minutes out for physical exercise. =) So, even if I turn in my rough draft a little late, I'm not going to sweat it too much. I can't. I'll just get it done when I get it done.

Soon. Just not *now*.

Karate tonight was good. When I arrived, I really wasn't in the mood for it. The first time through our katas, I was really awkward and off-balance... which, of course, irritated me more, being the perfectionist that I can be. By the time we finally finished going through them, however, I felt a bit better. We moved on to the bunkai and, other than a bit of lightheadedness at the beginning, things went well. Later, as we were going through the bunkai with the sensai, I think I surprised him. He caught me from behind -- really hard -- and it pissed me off. I executed the right move after a bit of confusion, and nailed him in the ribs. He wasn't prepared, I think, for my response. I felt bad afterward -- I try to exercise a good bit of control when throwing punches -- but, as he's the sensai, I didn't feel *too* bad. He went through worse for his dan test, after all. Anyway, he seemed satisfied with my progress and, at the end of class, promoted both my husband and myself to 8th kyu (green belt). A feeling of accomplishment, yes... but I still feel somewhat that I don't deserve it yet. =\

That's it for now. Time for that fabled thing called sleep.

(no subject)

Ever see that cartoon of Calvin and Hobbes where Calvin is running around in circles, screaming "AGGGGGHHHH"? That's about how I feel today.

After working so long, taking notes last night, it was hard to get the brain to shut off. I'm not necessarily making connections between the sources as yet, but the repercussions of some of the actions I've been reading about keep rolling around in my head (i.e. deployment of 8 Polaris-equipped US subs during the Cuban Missle Crisis = 128 missiles pointed directly at the Soviet Union). And then there's the fact that I'm reading Witness to Hope, a biography of Pope John Paul II, as part of the research for my statesmanship paper. I stayed up till about 2 AM reading that, trying to will myself to settle in for the night.

When my husband left for work around 6:30 this morning, I set the alarm for what I thought was 9:30 AM. Heh. Silly me. I actually set it for 9:30 PM, so guess what? On a day where I still have research and a reading assignment, I slept until 10:30. ARGH! Granted, I got my 8 hours of sleep, but it just wasn't worth it today. I *really* needed that extra hour because, as it was, I didn't get started on work until about 11:30 or 12 because of waking up, washing the face, and having some all-important food. As a result, I've only been able to get some of my research done -- almost to the modern warfare section -- and I've not even started reading the 84 letters of George Washington that have been on the reading list for about a week now.

Ya know, it's very hard to do one thing at a time, when you have more than one thing DUE at a time.

::sigh::

(no subject)

Okay, it's really sad when even the research paper muses don't get going until I decide to get in the shower.

Fickle little fiends.